Tapas

posted by Avideh at 1:25 AM | 3 comment(s)

posted by Avideh at 1:22 AM | 1 comment(s)

posted by Avideh at 8:33 PM | 1 comment(s)

posted by Avideh at 5:42 PM | 3 comment(s)

On butterflies unlimited....

She used to date guys in different time zones …distractedly ….unselectively …hectically before she finally settled into a happily unshared marriage in two different continents and occasional horrible stopovers …..

Deepest apologies but yeah today happily-ever-after is rarely where the stories end….

Next to CJD, and the bird’s flue is singleton vertigo and pseudo romance…I mean honestly intimacy without intimacy is tough!

posted by Avideh at 11:55 AM | 1 comment(s)

Rebounds...

Endowed with oblivion?! So damned if not…

Just reckon if at this time you suddenly came to conceive all weensy trivia of a certain day ….be it groovy or gross….sweetish or what….

Playing it backward just like looking at your teenage photos: pouched cheeks, acnes, untrendy and sloppily sentimental!! And what more knowing you can’t ever be the same ever again….you hear me never the same AGAIN….

My colleague was bitching about an incidence when during one stuporous occasion in the exam time he actually lived the whole triviality of a six year old school boy as an adult….and went like “ I swear it’s one big gas chamber; life in replay”

And it crossed my mind what about an instant playback?!! hmmmm

posted by Avideh at 6:45 PM | 1 comment(s)

Early "V" words

Conflicted as ever …

My brain bunker is more like a Dali’s surrealism while my desktop shows Monet’s and the colorful impressionism ….

The line between me & those outgoing outgiving faces climaxed by Valentine’s is no thinner than glazed windows….glazed by ice….and snow….it’s been constantly snowing for the past 72 hours or so….damn how I miss glaze doughnuts!!

More like freaking out than being freaked out telling you….

‘Happy euphoric moments of elations to those who still care for super natural concepts!!’

posted by Avideh at 1:36 PM | 0 comment(s)

be in here

posted by Avideh at 11:39 PM | 0 comment(s)

posted by Avideh at 11:24 PM | 0 comment(s)

When it comes to looks,

I’m a little too confused….

I like suspension, those who cant be put under either categories right away…those who keep you hooked for seconds, thinking darnit I just don’t know what to feel for this one!

posted by Avideh at 11:56 PM | 0 comment(s)

posted by Avideh at 10:48 PM | 1 comment(s)

Argue-men-tative

There were times I couldn’t stand losing any freaking arguments, and man I was damn good at it, sounding so blurringly downright….grade A stuff, stubborn…not budging an inch…just put me in the right situation and off I go, a great arguer…I might even be the best!!

But then this case of extreme arguing is such nasty addiction…easily flipping toward rows as for the intimate relationships, and heck I have grown out of this for like ages, so

Yeah I wont mind losing coupla glued small arguments when it comes to my own peace of mind (those bits still left…)…and no I wont murmur you’re right at the right moment, neither have I grown anything less helpless at apologizing ….but I feel I have stopped having arguments and becoming ONE!!

With me people find themselves arguing the entire entity of life, the same Shakespearean conflict I guess, and alas I cant remember the times of me feeling like being always the right…to my current resurrection it seems like others CAN be right afterall !!

posted by Avideh at 9:03 PM | 0 comment(s)

Pleasure dome...

Spa? Bailey’s? chocolate? Seroxat? Kicks and twitches?!

And who doesn’t seek bliss but then fancy this:

****

Pleasure can only be a transient sensation, the feeling of warming up when cold, or of eating when hungry. The lack of these gaps between how we feel and how we want to feel explains a lot of misery in modern society. "We're not hungry, we're not cold, we have everything," and the chemicals released with a pleasant experience, will give way to another substance with antibacterial effects…just think of the beauty of that, when you’re feeling good you protect yourself…Of course, it's possible to have too much of a good thing, and pleasure can easily become pain…”

Flipping of pleasure into pain, from intensely pleasurable to downright repulsive….or the other way round….flippancy has become our THING

posted by Avideh at 1:56 AM | 3 comment(s)

best-case

She is my closest friend, not just one time close but still is….helplessly trying to convince herself or maybe me but mainly the one we two have always feared of becoming… of something…

Something too gross to just close your eyes and do it,

Too utterly waterish to smile and go on with your goofing,

So she looks at me in the eyes and says: ‘you just don’t know, your case is different”

And something in me is wrenched…asking her since when I have become a ‘case’ to her ….since when I had become a ‘case’ for many…like I am one individual with conditions…like people we used to call them cases, nicknamed by horrible conditions lost their edges for us not for them, and telling them in ‘your condition’….

I can’t stand it for myself, neither could I, for all those people we used to call them cases, be it a terminal one….

There is always something to do for a person, a cold shower…a cup of coffee….a loving caress…a good book to read…having a good cry

Something not to cure but to sooth…

In my case, one shouldn’t suspend her being “her case” ever! …be particular in your own cases mates!! Stick to your being yourself

posted by Avideh at 1:04 AM | 0 comment(s)

NO..it's not OK!

Conflict-avoiding, problem burying, feelings protecting whatever psychology one might bring for this damn thing of telling fibs, lies, white lies, half-truths, stretched truth, whoppers, newly acceptable or even admirable social skill of lying through teeth….

I’m still bloody horrible, not the least any better at recovering or forgiving if discover I’ve been lied to…

How come we’re so emotionally and intellectually evolved to go to shrinks and grow up on a diet of self-help books, through with our soul searching and have done our partner checklist ready and waiting…?

So that’s probably why you shouldn’t really blame someone for lying to score a few more ticks in the right boxes!!!!!!!

Well…ta but not with me, too blatantly banal

posted by Avideh at 1:02 AM | 0 comment(s)

Prodigies

School girl cliché that I was, my fancied life wasn’t that impossible to live up to…or rather seems so now after being over it…

Compared with everything else around, anything a bit special and off you go…mushy

Many things gave me ideas about who I was where in truth I was nothing much, not yet…not even later…bleh I could write my IDEAS…yeah I had ideas to share!!

The same feeling of lonesomeness comes along every time I see people from the past…those presumably heroes, those I could have been given the right circumstances, living the right lives…instead of the confusing mundane one I ended up in…those I should look at their faces and think yes you are as fabulous as I should have been hence sorry I don’t reckon this even a tiny bit…

Most of the time I look at them and feel like giving myself a long pat on the shoulder, for what I have avoided so far to become hasn’t appealed me even after this long, but then probably those people likewise wouldn’t need anyone like me to envy them, they think they can do much better than me!!

While at it…how awkward is to hit onto your one time love after years?

Something in human nature always loves to see them screw up! But the creepiest is seeing them and couldn’t tell how they used to be or couldn’t tell how yourself used to be or worse still how it used to be being together…with knowing the worst of all is yet to come!!

I have cloned myself into a revised genetic signature of a failed heroine in eyes of many and when my dad asked me with typical concern about why am I taking those pills assuming they should either be antidepressants or the pill or me hiding my morbid disease from them…I came up with no better answer than: to relieve my menstrual pain……and he came up with no better reaction than striding away!

posted by Avideh at 10:04 AM | 3 comment(s)

A nobody girl

****

Why is that everyone writes about a "somebody" who is another person’s somebody?!

The truth is that we are all damn boring and bored by others…so don’t you ever feel guilty about sharing boring trivia with others… just like I did!

p.s: I’m not this nobody girl I’m just a hell of an impersonator…

p.s: the idea of this all came to me by this awesome girl ...

posted by Avideh at 1:42 AM | 1 comment(s)

hushh...

Not talking anymore,

As if I’m scared of being asked …

then I have to stir stuff, you know to come up with an answer …& might figure I’m not where I wanted to….& so another bout of limbo….& the laying outs…hopes rising…and the highs of rise…and the lows always to follow…and then….

No I’ve taken my turn to listen

posted by Avideh at 11:00 AM | 2 comment(s)

white flakes

posted by Avideh at 10:54 AM | 0 comment(s)

-Imagine being in love with a woman!

-Imagine being in love with a man!

-Imagine being in love…..

posted by Avideh at 10:45 AM | 0 comment(s)

happy-go-lucky

posted by Avideh at 1:27 PM | 1 comment(s)

conviction

I can be one big god of conviction…
convincing others of how wrong I truly can be for them!!
And then acting up to my convictions…

posted by Avideh at 7:05 PM | 1 comment(s)

All about me...

Curriculum vitae, job applications, interviews, personal ads, blind dates,
new best friends,Catching ups with exes, forms….

Well I’m not sure if they stand Exactly the same positions or ranks but….

I just hate the guts of them all…

The ephemera of thirty years of my life, the minutiae of my days and who I am, all those things that had once touched me or saddened me,
the best and worst …the whole blunder of who I’ve been……allllllllllll

Condensed in a snapshot and taken as the bottommost care of another abridged individual ….

We’ve had mastered the art of minifying others …innit?

posted by Avideh at 1:14 AM | 0 comment(s)

coffee break.....no sugar plz

My life at the fag end of twenty wasn’t exactly sugared with him…

I just didn’t see the point of me…

I did coffee those days, just like now…and damn it felt it wasn’t only the coffee that’s been ground down…so we two( me& coffee) had this common vibe between us(!) and yeah I guess that’s why it’s now MY thing!!!

I was this one big bitch or else I felt so for that matter…always demanding always feeling not being fancied enough blah blah

When it suddenly came to me, hang on who else am I supposed to ask from when I need support or when I’m down?! Calling the local Chinese for one big hug?!

So one of those days when I was overhearing this conversation inside my head of how awful, big headed difficult I was… suddenly the icing of the cake yet to come dawned on me….

And yeah I said to myself sack him and stick to yourself mate,

Even if that means you might end up skipping cakes with your coffee!!!

posted by Avideh at 1:40 AM | 0 comment(s)

Sack them all

My long time buddy Ms melancholy (I bet it’s a she!) seems to gradually let go of me…

Odd…

Possible whys…

I don’t nurse private doubts about “having it all” (you know job, sunshine, love, nice hair, adrenalin, chocolate) while juggling figures, spaghetti hoops (official brand for desperate bum cook like myself), popping bubbles (e.g. internet, crushes or absence of them!) and how fast the employment roundabout seems to spin these days!

But of course you can forget about life (if you haven’t done this already) and do you really need all that aggression and competition?

You think I can’t buy that kind of lifestyle these days? as of course buying it has always been the only way to get it….

The only difference is I know too well how much it costs….

posted by Avideh at 4:28 PM | 0 comment(s)

These days??

posted by Avideh at 1:25 PM | 2 comment(s)

Nothing....

posted by Avideh at 1:24 PM | 0 comment(s)